Monday, December 27, 2010

The "Stud-Wall"

Phone rings. I pick up. Hot male voice at the other end.

“Hey! What’s up? … So, are we still on for tonight? … Oh, sorry to hear… Yeah, tomorrow is great… Alright, you call me then and we settle the time and place.”

Tomorrow: phone rings. I eagerly pick up. Same hot male voice at the other end.

“Hello there, what’s the plan? … Oh.” Please note how spontaneously changing voice tone while saying that short, retarded “Oh.”, together with the sudden drop of enthusiasm already gives away the rest of the conversation. “Well… tomorrow might be alright, but I thought we were all set up for tonight…” I was meaning to go on with an “Oh sure it’s ok, it’s not like I waxed my legs and lady parts, did my hair nicely, put on some awesome make-up and neatly arranged some of my hottest clothes for this, including those mind-blowing tiny red panties.” (…which I did), but telling him all of that would just have made me sound like an eager puppy and put him in charge of something we never want men to be in charge of… our dignity.  “Well then… tomorrow it is.”

It has happened to all of us to have to postpone a date we really wanted to go to because of other higher-priority plans that just happen to come up. Is there an etiquette about how many times you can do that without giving the other person the wrong impression? It’s like there’s a very dumb, yet complex game going on between men and women at this dating stage. Seem relatively uninterested, keep your cool, maybe even a hint of indifference and the law of paradox makes the other person suddenly be more interested, have a senselessly stronger craving. Is it really necessary? Every male that puts up this wall and does manage to enter a relationship, if he starts getting emotionally involved, he’s going to progressively lose this barrier in time and give way to the behavior of a young puppy that’s just dying to hump that perfect new pillow covered in satin and lace. Then the obvious happens: she says he’s not the man she fell in love with, he says it isn’t true, insisting that that is the real him. You end up raising an eyebrow at the ex-macho, teenage-puppy you now have and say you don’t remember hooking up with a total fruitcake.

But if a man were to try to pick up a lovely lady without having that studly impenetrable macho illusive wall going on, who would date him? I hear women all over saying that they want a sincerely sensitive guy, one with whom they can connect with, share their most intimate feelings and have him do the same. But I don’t know how many of these women would actually go for the guy who comes up to them with big puppy eyes and a slightly trembling lower lip, telling them how vulnerable he feels in their presence and how the slightest hint of attention from them would so validate his manhood. No man in his right mind would do that and no woman in her right mind should take such a character in.

Don’t get me wrong, I am completely for sincerity and I am completely for being able to share intimacy and feelings, but I don’t need a guy that pours his soul out in a bowl of tears, I don’t need a guy that gossips like an out-of-control hormone bomb. Of course, they have their own uncertainties, they are indeed vulnerable to some extent, but what makes a man – a man is how he deals with these things without making a complete fool out of himself. In a moment of our own vulnerability, we don’t want a guy that’s going to start crying hysterically because of how sad whatever situation is. We don’t need a scared and insecure pup that can only amplify our own stress and nothing more. No, in those moments we need a strong, hard pillar, a strong and well balanced personality who can snap us out of whatever hormone-raging fit we’re going through.

This isn’t something those who know me would hear me say often, but I’m quite sure they don’t have it easy either. Yet this challenge, the male’s challenge of actually being a man is what separates real men from those who don’t really seem to deserve their Y chromosome.

What happened to the guy with the phonecalls? Turned out something really had come up and he made sure to compensate nicely for his absence in the following evenings. Knowing men have that before-mentioned ‘stud-wall’ around them can sometimes make it tough for a girl to decide if he’s just playing it cool or really being an uninterested asshole. But know this, there are signs that can give away his nature, so keep your eyes wide open from the very beginning and you might just catch a preview-glimpse of what lies beneath.

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