“I watch as the others focus their attention on something apart from what my mind is set on. I smile. His hand touches the base of my back and slides its way slowly up between my shoulder blades while his breath rushes down my neck. I close my eyes briefly as I feel his lips beneath my right ear, yearning to kiss it or maybe bite through my very flesh. The well defined shape of his body presses hardly against mine and I can feel his very essence yearning for my every moan and growl of pleasure. I turn towards him, barely uttering a repressed “I want you” between my clenched teeth as he closes in enough for me to feel the scent of his longing, killing me softly with a look that would devour the very senses of all muses that have ever inspired me, seducing the beast within.”
Sounds familiar? Teasing, dear friends, is the ultimate prelude. It can go on for days, weeks or, in some special cases, even years. Tension is built through specific gestures, looks, apparently innocent touches that progressively gain depth, well weighed words meant to always hit that specific chord which gets women wet and wondering and men hard and wanting. This very tension, amplified by the infatuation factor, is a key element to amazing relationships (if maintained) or just amazing transitory sex (if consumed, without being maintained). How does it work? It’s quite easy, once you accept that the largest sexual organ that humans have is none other than the brain. The human brain has the potential to enhance every and any stimuli into being the next best sexual arouser. The brain is responsible for all possible fetishes, for all possible interpretations of all possible situations, all melding into the yearning of manifestation in a romantic or sexual way.
A woman who is socially dominant could very well desire for her man to firmly grab her and press her against the wall while having his hands run over her body, or would even desire to be dominated in a way in which she would feel she lost all control and, for once, left herself completely, body and soul, in the arms of one of her own choice. Sometimes, a man who wields great social power will yearn to be controlled and maneuvered in such a way in which he’d renounce his free will and his body to the decision of his female counterpart. True, I haven’t met a whole lot of powerful men who would submit to such sexual behavior, but, to my surprise, those whom I have met are men who are very conscious of their own value and strength. It came to me as a surprise, since the antourage to which I got used to, used to classify this behavior as gay. They always used to view a male who explores losing control as a fag… which, as I came to find out, is completely wrong. Actually, the males I’ve met with this kind of a fetish are what everyone would call “the REAL men” in real life, because they always seem strong and in control of the situation, a true Alpha. This very paradox is something that haunts every person and becomes proportionally more acceptable with the loss of inhibition. The more intense of a behavior one will express in real life, the greater desire of experiencing the opposite in a way that would sooth the tension gained in the subconscious. Sex, just as dreams, can be a way of releasing extra steam from the deepest of our psychological grounds. Fetishes, just like dreams, can very well be completely irrational, but always have a meaning and a purpose of their own.
What do our deepest yearning say about us? To what extent are we in charge of them? It is said that our subconscious takes in all that our conscious mind chooses not to deal with and turns it into vivid dreams and sexual desires. Thus, a dominant person who is a consecrated leader in the social community can very well be sexually submissive, just as a working class hero would feel sexual gratitude in whipping multiple orgasms off of their partners’ backs. How much of ourselves do we really know, how much of ourselves would we really accept and how much of ourselves can we discover by looking through the very distorted mirror of every other person’s psyche? Why do we choose to repress so much of our yearnings and why does the fear of unknown also touch the fear of fully knowing our own selves?
A fair answer to that always seemed to be religion, the social convention of normality and the obvious fear of being judged by family, friends, the world and, last but not least, being judged by our own frustrated selves. It’s like we repress a bit of ourselves every day and bottle up as much as we possibly can until it all ends up exploding in the most sincere of all manifestations, which we end up bottling up again under the label of “oh, I had too much to drink”, “it was a mistake” and “it’s just a phase” or “it simply came over me”, anything to find an excuse not to look ourselves straight in the eye. But what if we renounce that label and have the courage of saying “this is part of who I am, there must be more to it” and see these experiences as means of knowing ourselves better?
How can we say that we truly understand who we are if we can’t accept our deepest and maybe even strangest yearnings as factors which have a word to say about distinct aspects of our mind set or behavior? So what if the definition of normality doesn’t represent us 100%? We must have the courage to face the fact that we are all different and we must somehow have the balls to look in the mirror, to Accept and embrace ourselves for our all our strangely delightful weirdness. Maybe once we learn how to properly do that, we’ll also be able to accept others as they are, instead of going on a rainbow hunt for the imaginary person we’d want them to be. Maybe in this way, we could actually expect others to accept us as we are.
Through fetishes, the subconscious mind lets itself be teased by conscious circumstances. The immense tension in teasing is proportional to the immense freedom, since not having chosen one specific finalization, it leaves the road open to anything, and suddenly, our best sexual ally, our brain, takes all those paths at once and in our head we may experience multiple types of pleasure from hypothetical realities that flow from an innocent touch, or a strong grip, or the feeling of nails discretely running along the back of your neck.
So next time you lock eyes with a potentially-special-someone and shyly touch his knee to get closer and whisper whatever in his ear, know that even though he would chose not to show it or even notice it consciously, his brain is automatically generating new and diverse possibilities of having the situation evolve. Thus, we should all be careful at what such messages we send and to whom and also, we should keep our senses open to be able to actually notice such subtle communication when it is being addressed to us. After all, once you understand and conquer the brain, the sky is the limit!