Monday, February 7, 2011

Soul mates

When it comes to looking for the love of their lives, many people say they are searching for a better half or soul mate. But I’ve grown to believe that the latter has little to do with the rest. Our soul mate could also be a parent or a friend or a child, a sibling, even a pet. We don’t necessarily have to be in love with our soul mate and there’s little chance if we are now that we would be forever, although it might help. It’s not very likely that we could be in love with a person forever, but that’s another story for another post. However, a soul mate is forever. No matter how much we love or hate them, these are the people we cannot shake off. Ever. A thought that is both comforting and terrifying.
I have days I hate my soul mate’s guts. And days I keep telling him how much I love him. It’s a weird kind of love and hate. Some soul mates are joined by common interests or blood ties, some are just so good together they can’t breathe in each other’s absence. We are more like astral twins. Somehow we're so much alike it’s annoying, because we can smell each other’s bullshit. But we’ve developed in different environments and maybe we play different games. I slip through the fingers and hide. He goes out there and drowns his bad days in the crowds. We both feel alone sometimes and we’re in a strange way together through all that. Inexplicably, we share moods or we’re on the extreme opposites, but never on asymmetrical positions. I guess we still resent each other for all the chances we didn’t take, for letting our love story fail and for giving other people what we owed each other. And we still believe in the back of our heads that whenever other options fail, we’ve still got each other. If I’d have to pick a literary reference where I can see a resemblance, it would be Mircea Cartarescu’s (Romanian postmodernist poet and novelist) “Gemenii”. However much things have changed, I believe we have an absurd symbiosis, we don’t “match”, we “melt”. It might sound strange, but sometimes it feels like we inhabit each other. Funny thing is we still can’t have a decent conversation without dancing our stupid cha-cha. Two steps forth, three steps back. I’m the one with the steps back. I guess I still can’t lose my grip. So acknowledging the big place he still has in my heart is a first step.
However, I still want to underline there is no point in assuming a soul mate would make a good partner. At least in my case, sometimes I think we’ve hurt each other so much, there is no more room for trust or any sort of joint plans. But mostly, I really believe people find great soul mates in their friends, because they are there through so much more than lovers. Bros before hoes, right? Friends make great soul mates because we pick them, they are the family we choose and in time they are some of the best investments we can make.
I may be pushing an agenda here, but seriously, you don’t need to be sexually attracted to somebody to share the deepest spiritual and intellectual connection. It’s actually a pretty shallow criterion. And whatever cultural stereotypes we’ve been fed by the romantic literature and movie industry, we have to let go of. Because they just create absurd expectations. Lovers don’t have to be our perfect matches and soul mates don’t have to be the love of our lives. They can be annoying sweethearts we can’t ever let go of because some day, under the same stellar conjunction, we were born twins from different mothers.


  1. I think I understand the kind of bond you describe. The symbiosis and merging of identity with another person, why what an amazing and amusing experience.

    I love it when people mistake me for one of my closest-to-twins, or when they confuse our voices on the phone. We can even pretend to be each other when convenience requires. Even better though is when we share the same thoughts and speak them in the same tone of voice at the same time. Or when one person wants something but can't think of the word, and the other goes off to get the mystery item without needing further instruction.

    One person may get ill or be unable to sleep or have a bizarre dream, only to find out that the other was suffering the same from between a hundred and three thousand miles away. We may even share the same moods despite the distance and difficulty in communicating.

    These are rare and special bonds, and we should always cherish them.

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  3. Wonderful writing, Daisy! And a great subject to put out there considering how people usually like to see the term of "Soul Mates" as Hollywood brainwashed them.

    I remember when a spiritually close friend from across the ocean went through extremely harsh times, I always felt it happen. There's a beautiful energy network holding us all together. Soulmates have special private lines ;)

    Also, somehow the passion between soulmates can't be consumed purely physically because it goes so much beyond the physical area! That's why sex isn't a must, and even if sex happens, you still feel that it's not enough and there must be a higher level of manifestation for the soulmateship to flourish. Sometimes that higher level can be a grandious construction, otherwise it can be found in the small things. Like a beer at the local pub during a concert of some band you haven't heard live in ages, or a nice cocktail after viewing a great play at the theatre.

    I'll also use this comment to apologize for my absence, but I'll be back posting as soon as possible.