Saturday, January 15, 2011

The First Move | Guest Post Announcement!

Often we are put face to face with the dilemma of the “first move” or with other people who view it as a dilemma. If we look into the past we see that, back then, the first move towards a relationship belonged to the duty of the man, from courtship to asking the lovely lady out on a date, the first kiss and so on. As time passed, some women started adapting and sharing this role of initialization. As a consequence, some men adapted as well and began expecting women to take the first step. So now, we have both men and women who are willing to initialize and, also, who expect the first move from the other. How is this all working out for us? If you’re a woman who expects the man to make the first move and you’re actually lucky enough to find a great guy that does so, all is peachy. But what if you don’t? Is there some sort of a competition as to who makes the first move? Has it become a symbol of power or domination to know what you want and to act accordingly, when all that should be everybody’s own duty towards themselves?

In this strange conflict of who offers the first date or which of the partners goes for the first kiss, there are a few underlying issues that must be discussed. Some people feel that if they initialize, they will be a straight target in case something goes wrong, leaving the partner every dumb right to say “But you started this, it’s your fault!” It’s certainly not what things should be like, but it happens extremely often. So because of not knowing what’ll happen next, people hesitate to create a beginning. Truth be told, you will never really know, and thinking too far ahead can be scary, but it is never an excuse to not try to make the best out of a given situation, and for that best to happen, things have got to start somewhere, at some point! The reverse-situation to this finds itself in the image of the one who wants to conquer for the sheer pleasure of conquering and only afterwards starts wondering what to do with their new found territory. These people will jump right in, make all first moves, offer great experiences and then pause for a bit and say “Excuse me, what was your name again?” Of course, not all those who do make the first move are like that, but we cannot ignore the lot for whom the first priority is to have the longest list of people they’ve been with. Other first-movers are simply determined human beings who, in their head, know exactly what they want and are not afraid to go for it. This would be a great thing if it didn’t prove itself to be so intimidating towards other people, especially if it’s a woman who has that sort of an attitude towards a man, and we all know how difficult it is for men to accept women who are more determined and have a more dominating personality than them.

It’s quite tough to find a ‘perfect match’ in that sense, but it’s not a catastrophic issue. When you’re thinking about making the first move on a potential partner, and your head is filled with “what ifs”, you just have to stop and ask yourself “What have I got to lose?” If it’ll work out, then all’s well. If not, then maybe that’s not the man/woman for you and you mustn’t make a drama out of it. Persisting in a relationship with a person who isn’t right, yet who you desperately want to See as being right, will lead you nowhere, in which case, letting go and moving on isn’t accepting defeat, but rather winning the opportunity of finding something better.

I remember, quite a while ago, I had this argument with a guy after a spontaneous kiss. It was one of those extremely awkward talks that nobody enjoyed, since he thought that I kissed him and I was under the certain impression that he was the one who had kissed me. It obviously didn’t matter as much since what happened had already happened, but because we were both dominant people who, on certain levels, claimed we deserved that the other offered the kiss as to prove I’m not exactly sure what, we both stuck to our own versions of the event. Somehow, I think that both me and him, would’ve wanted to believe our own story about how it happened and that the other one was truly the one who had taken control. This is probably the paradox of all paragraphs I’ve written before in this post: when one is used to taking the first step for years and years of failed relationships, doesn’t one get tired and, for once, just expect another strong person who seems right to come along and do it for them?

It’s a very subjective world out there, I’d even say that there are as many overlapping worlds as there are people, because we all have a distinctive view of what’s going on around us. So if we find someone with whom we can share our world with, without it being a nuclear collision, we should consider ourselves lucky. And when the time comes for that first move, we should know better than to let it be dictated by fear, doubt or egomania and just follow what feels right, take responsibility for our actions, try to make the best of every situation and, in case it is not what we have expected, learn to let go.

Also, for all of our readers, I have an announcement to make! Mischievous Sweethearts will be hosting one monthly Guest post, so if you feel you have a story to share which has taught you a thing or two about men/women, relationships or the world around you, send us an email with your writings at with the subject “Guest Post”, followed by the title of your work. Daisy and I will read it and choose which will be the next Mischievous Sweetheart. Guest posts will be published on the 1st of every upcoming month.

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