Wanting

Ever so often we hear ourselves say “Ohh I want that!” No matter how average or high the degree of wanting is, there is always something out there we want, and must have, be it knowledge, cake, clothes, relationships or just plain, healthy sex. Sometimes we get so caught up in the yearning, that our perception narrows down to the object of our desire and leaves other things outside, to the mercy of randomness, and when we finally get what we longed for, it just sparks up that it’s not the thing for us… and we start wanting something else. Do we really want and need the stuff that catches our eyes so intensely, or are we addicted to the notion of always wanting something to keep us going?

The perception we have about feeding our desire changes over time. Remember high-school and early twenties? The sky was the limit! You were free to want anything and, more so, free to get it. Experimenting relationships, sex, going out, various pubs or clubs, more relationships, closed ones, open ones, multiple ones, anything you’d come up with because there’s no pressure involved, no biological clock, poor notion of consequences and, also, you have the enormous advantage of feeling these years will last forever. Moving beyond your mid twenties, wanting stuff takes a turn to its more practical side: career, stable relationship, finances, living quarters and affording good food and a healthy life-style. The relationship-area is also struck by these, since one would start thinking twice before entering a fling that leads nowhere and suddenly, doing things just for the sheer fun of having them done coughs up a new parameter: “time efficiency”. I know many women around or over their mid-twenties who have been surprised by their family-and-baby-timer, a clock that starts ticking louder and louder. Craving begins, perception narrows down to those two issues and “time efficiency” gains in importance. From their calculations, one has to procreate around 30 (biologically, that’s a good idea), but for that you’d have to be married with the guy for a couple of years and before deciding to marry him, you should probably date him for a couple of more years, so that leaves us with an average age of 26 to start a serious relationship.

The older we get, the more we feel there is a time pressure affecting our desires and choices, leaving us less freedom in wanting something as we did before. I see this happening a lot in women and it being very related to their biological clock. Men have it easy. I have never seen a guy stress about not having a family and kids yet. A guy who takes care of himself can be hot even at an older age. Think Sean Connery, or Anthony Hopkins playing Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs! I have a very close friend, he’s around 20 years older than me, looks amazing for his age, talented, smart, single and doesn’t have the slightest care in the world when it comes to family or kids. He’s chill, does his career, spends his free time having fun and enjoys it that way.

As we are getting older, do we have to adapt “what we want” according to “what we can get”? Cause if that’s the case, as time goes by, there is less and less to be found on the market. If we are picky and can’t settle for anything less than perfect, is it safe to assume that there are guys out there thinking the same, or are guys just looking for an easy fuck so that they can fill out their scoring list? And if we do end up finding Mr. Right, at the right time, how can we be sure that neither of us will give in to the temptation of passing the great occasion of finding someone better out there? Some people who have reached this point, choose to lower their standards because doing so will automatically broaden their options. I am very much against doing so, but many people have chosen this to quench their fear of being alone. My opinion is that no matter what the market looks like, we should not allow ourselves to give up hope in finding what’s right for us. Giving up means game over.

In another line of thought, haven’t you all noticed how the things we can’t have suddenly seem more appealing? Cake while on diets, men who don’t commit, certain clothes after having spent the last of your paycheck on cocktails? If you want a guy and lean into getting him in a relationship and he pushes you away, don’t you somehow feel compelled to go grab him just to prove to yourself that you can? Dumb as it sounds, that mechanism is in charge of the want-what-you-can’t-get syndrome. And then when you do get it, the thrill is over, point made, moving on!

This type of behavior sends us in a loop hole that might be familiar to some or most of you. Total freedom, dating anyone and everyone we see fit, no commitment, just spontaneous acts of joy and such… when all of a sudden, we realize that there’s too little stability in our lives and start wanting a stable relationship. Somehow we manage to get the more-or-less-stable person at our side and start a wonderful thing, when all of a sudden… it gets boring, predictable, too little adventure, not enough excitement SO we start dissecting our ‘perfect’ man to find one or two flaws to cling on and dump him for, so that we can go back to being free to experience whatever… and the loophole goes and and on. With every relationship we leave behind, we get a sense of having to find something better out there. “Never settle for anything worse than your ex”, they say. So when do we stop? How do we know it’s time to settle down and settle for what we have found, especially since, as time goes by, the stock keeps getting thinner and thinner?

We have to keep our eyes open for all that’s out there and keep our hopes up for all the rest that could be out there that our eyes don’t yet see or that our conscious minds can’t yet grasp. If our perception is working at full potential, our hope keeps us courageously moving forward and our dreams turns us immune to fear, we have all the reasons in the world to find happiness.

Mischievous Sweethearts will be hosting one monthly Guest post, so if you feel you have a story to share which has taught you a thing or two about men/women, relationships or the world around you, send us an email with your writings at mischievous.sweethearts@gmail.com with the subject “Guest Post”, followed by the title of your work. Daisy and I will read it and choose which will be the next Mischievous Sweetheart. Guest posts will be published on the 1^st of every upcoming month.